Pacing the floor in prayer last evening, I began to reflect aloud on what my ultimate desires and longings were. What do you really want What’s the one desire which if fulfilled would make every other unfulfilled desire irrelevant but which if unfulfilled would render all other desires meaningless? To be more knowledgeable? To be theologically right? To live a long life? To be honored by your peers? Maybe all of these together? That would be something. I’ve put time into these. But running through the options, dismissing them each in turn as the ultimate end of desire, I finally said, “You, Lord. I want you.” I began talking, prayerfully, aloud about what that would look like. My mind (don’t ask why) went to the story of Congregational missionary and linguist Frank Laubach (1884-1970) who through disappointment and struggle came to dedicate his life to a single task—learning to live life without ever losing conscious awareness of God’s presence. To live in unbroken awareness of God’s presence, to perceive his intentions in the moment and to offer myself as the means of manifesting them—now, my sole desire.
God is the one reality we can be conscious of without diminishing our awareness of and availability to any other task at hand. The same isn’t true of anything else we may devote are attention to. Our limited energies are naturally divided the more items within the world we attend to. But God is not an item within the world. Awareness of him doesn’t compete with awareness of other things. Conversation with him doesn’t compete with other conversations. There’s room in God, but only in God, for all we do.