One atheist’s frustrated poetry—
Twas Yahweh made the universe and all
And made it he in days that numbered seven;
Then watched as it so quickly fell from grace,
And closed became the gate between Earth and Heaven.
Created he the flowers, starts, and moon,
The human eye, the brain, and good things all;
The Liver Fluke, the tape worm and the plague,
Such things as those were good before the Fall.
Those sharpened fangs, and venom, and claws and germs,
Originally, entirely benign
Until the magic apple once was bit
And all things underwent a kind of redesign.
Cause harmful things could never be divine, could they?
Twas all our fault and that’s the bottom line.
Our fate was sealed when Yahweh chose to place
Within the magic garden fruit that would
When eaten by the creature he designed
Impart knowledge of evil and of good.
So Adam said to Eve, “Hey, listen love,
“He warned of death if we eat from that tree.
“But I don’t know what ‘death’ is love, do you?”
“I’m every bit as ignorant as thee,” said she. “So don’t ask me.”
The serpent tempted Eve one fateful day,
And she believed the Serpent’s wicked lies.
It turns out women made from peoples’ ribs,
Are not inherently, especially, wise.
And ate she of the tree and cursed the world.
She gave the fruit to Adam and he ate too.
Soon came upon them understanding thus,
“Goodness me, and so are you!”
It’s interesting knowledge this is true,
But is that all the fruit was meant to do?
You’d think they’d come to a sudden realization
Of the right and wrong of every situation,
An instant, fruit-based, moral education
To pass on to the human population;
A fascinating ethical revelation
Invulnerable to that interpretation.
Sounds like all they got was titillation,
Just inexplicable humiliation,
And the start of religion’s nudity fixation;
The inauguration of a prudish denunciation
Of the instrumentation of procreation,
As well as being the first step on the journey to damnation;
Because along comes Yahweh asking about the fruit
Knowing full well that eaten it had been,
Surprised, he acted like he didn’t know,
But being omniscient surely he’d foreseen.
“And death alone,” declared the Lord of Life,
“Was punishment befitting such a crime”
For using one’s free will
To choose to not just worship
and obey him all the time.
Having thus decided upon death
For doing anything against his will,
How fortunate it was that he designed
Some handy livestock for us then to kill.
For centuries henceforth ordered he
That man should slaughter bird, and goat, and sheep and cow,
But later had his own son put to death,
So we don’t have to slaughter livestock now.
But getting back to Adam, Eve and Snake,
Let’s contemplate the price he made them pay.
To woman he gave childbirth’s risks and pains,
To man, the need to work hard every day.
Before all this there was no work to do
And childbirth was just a piece of cake;
All day they’d rest and babies just slid out.
If only Eve had not believed the Snake!
But being as he is the Lord of all,
The sole designer of the world we see;
Surely he could have come up with a price other than death
Or so it seems to me.
“Seeing as I am,” Lord Yahweh might have said,
“The Lord of every detail here created,
“I get to choose the consequence of sin
“The punishment and all results related.”
And certainly he could have simply said
That “You alone can make up for your sin:
“By only righteous works can you be saved
“If I’m to open heaven and let you in.
“Although you’re sinful now,
“If you decide that you’ll be good
“Instead of being mean,
“If you’ll help the needy, feed the poor,
“By acts of righteousness you’ll be made clean.”
This makes Christians angry,
And they say “Hey can’t! He can’t!”
Yes of course he could! He makes the moral laws!
So why not make salvation doable
Though acts of good?
If people were convinced of all their guilt
And genuinely wanted to repent,
That would quickly make this world a better place
Improving peoples’ lives wherever they went.
Instead we’re told the only way to God
Is to hear a silly story and believe.
Believe a silly story based around death
That only bronze-aged [sadists] could conceive:
He sacrificed himself unto himself
To pay himself the price that he demanded,
For any violation by a human
Of strict adherence to his perfect standard.
Believe—it’s such a useless thing to do,
But that’s the thing that’s closest to God’s heart?
As long as some believe then God’s content
To watch the rest of his creation fall apart.
Believe this ancient story
Of a man who walked on water, raised folk from the dead,
Magically made wine from H2O,
And had a crowd miraculously fed.
A story rife with borrowed ancient myths,
A group of Twelve, a few nights in a tomb,
Magic healings and stars that did portend
His exit from his virgin mother’s womb.
Yes, all of this and more you must accept,
That’s the system Yahweh did conceive.
No, not of all the good that you might do,
It’s all for nothing if you don’t believe.
If you’re an awful, evil pedophile
Raping and abusing kids all night;
Or maybe you’re a racist piece of trash
Who likes to murder those who are not white;
Perhaps you rob old ladies, blow up cars,
Or wipe out entire countries; that’s alright.
If you’ll suspend your disbelief in God and beg to Christ
You’re perfect in his sight.
While all those ordinary decent folk
Who just cannot believe and never could
Will roast in hell by rational thought betrayed,
The evidence against these baseless claims
Were just too good.
So, don’t think too much. Don’t let a doubt creep in.
Don’t ever think the whole thing is less than true!
The Devil’s at the door
And wicked lies that sound like truth he saith unto you:
“Snakes don’t talk, and neither donkeys too!
“A man inside a fish would surely die,
“A wall that fell on 27,000 men would surely be prohibitively high.”
Says Lucifer, “Don’t you care that Jesus’ life
“Was written by men he’d never met?
When written several decades past his death
Exaggerations [are] surely what you get.
“You don’t believe,” says Satan, “Do you friend?
“The grave opened and poured out their dead?
“And walked they around the streets greeting old friends,
“But no one wrote down anything they said?
“Believe you that the risen Christ ascended
“When finished with the task that he’d been sent?
“Ascended physically and traveled skyward?
“You never stopped to think of where he went?”
“Just given what we know in modern times
“About gas and pressure in our atmosphere
“And what’s beyond our planet,
“Can’t you see just why unto the rest of us it’s clear
“His body became worm food here?”
But heed not Satan, believe thou not his lies,
Over him the victory has been won by Yahweh
Through his favorite payment, death.
By crucifying and killing his own son.
He could have made up rules that harmed no one,
But yet another ritualistic, sacrificial,
Bloody, violent, painful death
Seemed much more fun.